What Makes It Hard

So, I just ended my relationship with Harry. Been 10 months of getting know each other, and finally 6 months being together. I could say that everything we've been through only remarked happiness and good memories. That's how it worked on me sih. I don't know how it worked on him. But I surely believe that Harry will always find a way to remember me, in a good way :)

Since we broke up well, without any harmful deeds or intentions (as far as I could believe him), I always thought that our religions is what only matters if we're about to get to the next step. It's okay if Harry would like to go back to his previous girlfriend (one thing that bothers my mind, always bothers me) but what I only regret is how could this thing ended so quickly while I even haven't tried much to overcome it. For what Harry has done much too, in time when he wanted to be with me. I didn't do much, I haven't shown him much. He just cut it off. Things broken effortlessly.

But then, that's not what I'm gonna talk about in this post. I got two things that bother me now. First, on September 29th, my host father from KKN (some kind of social work for undergraduates) called me. He asked me, how's life going and bla bla bla. He asked me whether I continue learning about Islam or not, do I still practice sholat too. Gooks. Along KKN, I was accustomed to do sholat and being exposure much about Islam. How could, without any triggers or whatsoever, my host father called me and talked that way. He suggested me if I'm still not sure about things or facing any problems, I'd probably better try to have Monday-Thursday fasting, just like Moslems do for "nazar" (Mm, is that right? I am sorry if that's wrong. I'm not well-informed). That time, I was so screwed. But then, I just let it go, just like an unimportant thing.

The second ring is waaaaaaayy beyond expectation. My lecturer, Mas Nunung, bbm me on October 7th, around magrib (I don't know how to explain magrib but that's a part of "sholat 5 waktu" time in Islam). I never told him about my problem with Harry, I never told him about my religion, I never told any not-so-closed people about my problem or doubt (but now I post it on blog hehe, it's officially being released info then), but he texted me this way.

Note.

He said : Fatgirl, don't forget to have "sholat".

Okay. Perhaps I'm over-reacting. But those two things really bother me. I was so preparedly ready to face the reality why I couldn't make it works with Harry. But those two bizarre things made it hard, harder to consent the break up. I'm trapped with imaginary about "What if I do this," "What if I do that."

It may mean nothing, unimportant. But it still got something to do with my mind.